Sunday, January 31, 2010

Out at Play in the FLA

We flew to Florida on Thursday, and so far, Elliot had spent the whole vacation (waking hours only) in underwear with NO ACCIDENTS. Hooray!

Thursday we hung out at the park with Aunt Kelly, and played in the fountain, and generally enjoyed the 70 - something temp. Friday Elliot and I were on our own, and headed to Target to get some shades and sandles (the ones I brought for him were too small) and then hit the beach. We met up with Kelly and Jeff back at the house after work, and had a nice evening.

Saturday we went to David's Bridal to check out dresses. I caused a bit of a problem when I insisted that Kelly try on her dress for me so I could see it in person, and of course, while we were trying it with different veils, in wandered Jeff and Elliot, who were supposed to be out doing manly things together. Jeff claimed that since the dress was decided, and we were only supposed to be looking at bridesmaids dresses, it wasn't his fault, but I think when one's fiance is at the wedding store, don't call her, she'll call you. All bets are off and you don't come in uninvited.

Oh well. Good news is he likes it...?

We had lunch in Orlando and headed back to Merritt for an evening of Wii and garlic bread. Or was it garlic bread and wii? Either way, it was yummy and fun.

The balmy weather evaporated this morning, and we tried to hit the park but it was just too cold to stay long. Instead we drove out to the bird sanctuary to see what was up, but most of the birds were not up. They were huddled and cold. Alas, Elliot was not having as much fun this time as he did last time when we got to run around outside a lot more. So we packed it in and came back to the house, where he proceded to beat me up and scream ferociously and howl at the moon for 4 and a half minuted before falling into a deep and undisturbable sleep.

And there he remains, snuggled up on the couch. When he wakes up, we're headed out to the pub to hear Aunt Kelly play with her Irish Session Group. Woot!

Pictures (a few of them) will follow when I get home.

Monday, January 25, 2010

where we go when we sleep

the ghost in my heart whispers rhymes in my veins
till my ears feel the thrumming soft pulse of his name
and the gentle sweet cadence of his missing voice
reminding me always in love to rejoice

the bridge from deep sorrow arcs over a dream
(where he sleeps in the shadows) then 'lights on a green
growing hillside of flowers and dew speckled boughs
yet i walk the path slowly not ready just now

to embrace the warm dawn and the jewel littered lawn
no a little bit longer before i move on
here above the deep canyon i still feel his breath
my heart beats with his stillness, and aches with his death

Friday, January 22, 2010

SWF Looking to play Mind Games with your Heart...?

So I've joined an online dating site. Yeah. Not the first time I've done this, but maybe the last. I feel like I'm in a sea of crazy people. I read all these descriptions, and these guys write "I'm sick of the mind games," and "I just want a woman who isn't crazy," or "I've had a lot of bad luck with women..."

Seriously, guys? Take a marketing class. If all you do is talk about how things don't work out for you, or how much you hate 'certain' women, you're not going to find a lot of dates. Unless maybe all the women really are crazy. Find something positive to say about yourself, and something complimentary about your reader and her gender.

Me? I want to date somebody who loves women because, well, I am one. Crazy or not. I want to date somebody confident, outgoing, intelligent, and witty. I derive no pleasure from "toying" with a person's emotions, and most of the women I know don't either. Unfortunately, in dating perceptions can be twisted, expectations can be misunderstood, and people can get hurt. To assign blame to a whole gender, well, that's a little unfair.

So who's got better options for me? The online thing isn't throwing me a ton of options, and I'm really not ready to get too deep into anything too fast. I guess what I'm saying is if you had this thought that your cousin really needs to settle down with a nice girl but it wouldn't be appropriate to set me up, because I'm all fragile or emotional or whatnot, well, it would.

If this week has taught me anything, it's that I don't want to be alone. Independent, strong, opinionated, self sufficient? Yes.

Alone? Absolutely not.

Not broke down, but on the verge...

I'm not sleeping well again.

The vivid emotional dreams, the inability to stop what i'm doing and just GO TO BED, the early mornings with the dog whining and the cat scratching the carpet and elliot demanding milk... it's wearing me down.

The past three days I've been exhausted. I've woken up feeling like I didn't sleep more than an hour, and it couldn't possibly be morning.

Then, about an hour ago, elliot was standing in the hall whining, and waddling in mid-pee pose. I rushed over, trying to stay positive, "It's ok! It's just pee-pee. Let's go to the potty!" He cooperated and waddled in to the bathroom. It wasn't till I had his pants half way down, and he was about to drop onto the potty that I realized it wasn't pee.

It was very liquid poo, and it was everywhere.

There was no way for me to stop him from sitting, and he started to cry when he saw me react to the crap all over everything, but I took a shallow breath (it stank - a deep breath may have knocked me out) and told him it was ok, and mommy would clean it up. "Just sit there - it's an accident. It's ok. Shhhh." I kept saying it over and over, telling myself as much as him.

Making matters worse, the dog really wanted to help with the cleanup, and I kept shoving him out of the bathroom with my foot. He licks elliot's face - he should not lick the other end too.

An entire pack of baby wipes and half a can of disinfecting wipes later, things were (mostly) clean.

I got elliot dressed for bed, and we went it to the living room, where he decided to pick up the 8X10 family photo I have on the piano. It's in a cheap glass frame, and I was worried he'd break it, so I told him to put it down. He wouldn't. I took it away and put it back in it's place.

He picked it back up, and I told him no again. He put it down, but on the bench. This just made me mad. I put it back in it's place again.

Of course, he went to pick it up a third time. This is where my brain quit working. I got in his face - right up close, and I yelled at him. Loud.

I heard myself do it. It was awful. It's a stupid picture, who cared if it's on the piano of not, as long as he's not waving it around?? WTF, jes? I don't yell. I bark now and then to get his attention, but I don't yell at him.

So I put him in the bedroom with a movie and came in here and cried, and now I'm going to go make dinner. And please please please let me sleep tonight.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A Mess, Plain and Simple.

I had an unexpected visitor this morning. When the bell rang, I peeked out the window to see if it was a band of robbers, and it seemed not to be, so I got the dog by the collar, told him to look mean, and opened up. It was an old friend of Karls whom I hadn't seen in quite a while.

She was in the neighborhood, and thought she'd check in on us. While surprise visitors do throw me for a bit of a loop, it is nice to be thought of, and nice to catch up. And I'm sriously lacking in adult conversation these days.

The biggest problem was my house. There was nowhere in the front rooms to sit - really, you conld barely tell there was furniture at all, just mounds of toys and boxes. Yeah. A little embarrassing.

Fortunately, I had just cleaned the TV room, so was able to present a clean "sitting room" where we could chat. As we were talking, the bell rang again. This time, an expected guest, but one I 'd forgotten was coming by. She calls first, but I turned the ringer off on my phone last night, and well, I hadn't turned it back on for the reminder call.

So there I am with two guests and a big mess to walk through, and I feel like I'm not being fair blaming the kid and the dog, because really, what do I do all day? Why can't I keep it clean?

I survived the visit, and now I'm taking a break from vacuuming and organizing and trying to get it all back together before somebody else drops in.

Prosopagnosia, or Don't I know you??

Karl was amazing at remembering people - their names and faces, their pasts, their stories.. He had a gift for it. If he ever met a stranger, they weren't a stranger for long.

I'm not like that.

I have this problem with faces and names. If you lined up bunch of people I had met several times, but didn't know well, I could tell you I knew them, but wouldn't know from where. I wouldn't be able to tell you if they were old co-workers, former students, neighbors, or friends of friends. Karl told me tons of stories about friends, and I can remember them in the stories, and I know their names, but for some reason, when face to face with somebody, I blank.

I'll know I've met a person, sometimes many times, but I have no idea who they are. I come around a corner at the grocery store, and BAM - there's a woman, and a spark of recognition... and I just can't place her.

When I'm lucky something clicks and I suddenly know that yes, this is Alice, and I worked with her for a year, and she has two kids, and she makes great pie! And she came over for New Years once... But I can't remember ANY of that just from seeing her face.

I've never been able to keep celebrities straight - their faces blend together. It's a little easier with men than with women - maybe it's the makeup? It's hardly ever a problem with kids - they always look unique. So strange.

It's very frustrating, and leads me to second guess myself even when I'm sure I know who somebody is. I'm hesitant to use people's names for fear I'll get them wrong, even with close friends.

So if you kind of know me, and we meet at the zoo, and I seem a little out of it, I'm probably trying to find you in my brain. You are in there, and I will get that bit to fire, but it may take a minute. In the mean time, please don't hesitate to re-introduce yourself and forgive me my prosopagnosia.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


While you're writing your little 'letter from me' I might be pooping on the stairs. Maybe you need to stay off the computer.

While You Were Blogging

Dearest Mommy,

Thanks for the delicious made-from-scratch mac and cheese for lunch. It was superb! In some cultures, this sentiment is conveyed through a ginormous belch, but I know here that's considered rude. Instead, while you are blogging, I will express my appreciation another way. If inappropriate things are the way to express thanks for a good meal, well, I'll just have to climb up on the kitchen table and pee. Lunch was just that good.

Love you Lots!

Adventures in the Amazon

I order stuff from Amazon all the time. Half of what we own is from The other half is from Target. If you can't get it in either of those places, I probably don't want it. Ok, unless it's over $1,000, but who ever has that to spend?

Anyway, my most recent order, some kitchen stuff for Elliot's new kitchen(s) and a new camera for me, didn't show up on time. I checked the online tracking, and it said FedEx delivered it Friday. Well, FedEx has delivered packages to me that weren't mine, and so it only makes sense that they would deliver mine somewhere else, but a call to Amazon fixed it all, I thought.

They processed the claim as a "stolen" order. One of the items I had ordered was from a 3rd party seller, so they had to refund it, then have me order it again. Well, after a 15 minute phone call with a lovely young woman in India, it seemed I'd have my new camera sometime next week.

So I went online and re-ordered the cooking set. I sat down to knit. My doorbell rang.

Yes, it was my neighbor. It turns out it was my racist neighbor, who informed me that he got our package by mistake because of that (whispering) New Black Mailman. I'm not sure what the new Black Mailman was doing with my FedEx package, or if it's reasonable to assume that he would have taken it from my porch and put it on somebody else's, but if my neighbor wants to blame him then fine. His kids clearly opened a package not addressed to them because our mailman is black. Right.

That's why it took him a day and a half to bring it over to me, too.

So I called Amazon back, and explained that if I'd had a white mailman, this would have never happened, but it turns out the package was delivered to the wrong house, but now I had it and all was good. Could they please cancel the order for the cooking set.

Turns out they can't. They must have a black mailman too, because they can't cancel an order placed an hour ago and save everybody the trouble of sending a box hundreds of miles only to send it back.

I was honest about the box, and didn't let them send me a new camera. I might not be honest about the return, because they will make me pay shipping, and I'm not going to do it. I may be giving somebody a "Gift" of a cooking playset, so they can return it for something that I really do want.

Do they sell open minded, non racist neighbors on Amazon?

Friday, January 15, 2010


So, I'm not exactly sad to report that I missed a first last night. I was out at a knit night and a movie, and Elliot WENT POOP IN THE POTTY!

Yeah, so we've talked about it a lot, and I've been taking poopy diapers and dumping them in the potty, then letting him flush them, but he had yet to do anything on the potty at home, poopwise.

Then, yesterday he managed to have 3 major accidents, all while I was holding him. Thanks, honey. What I've been hoping for around here is MORE LAUNDRY, and I'm grateful that you're so willing to help out. One of the soakers was actually while he was wearing a diaper. I have no idea how he did it, but he managed to get pee running down both sides of his pants and all over me, all the while keeping his diaper dry. One side? Yeah, I'd get that. Boys can *do* that. Both sides? My boy's got talent...

I dropped him off with mom around 6, and she texted me a few hours later that he'd used his brand new "Grandma's House Potty" (GHP) for the first time, doing all his business. I don't know if the GHP is superior to the MHPs (mommy's house potties) or she said the right magic words (bibbidy bobbidy poo?) or if it was just the right time, but whatever the reason, hooray!

Not that I expect perfection, but at least I feel like we're going the right direction.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Now we're cookin!

Today, Auntie Beth brought over a really HEAVY box... It was full of lots and lots of big and little pieces, and one big package of fasteners. Ooooh! Assembly project!

Mom laid out the big pieces in the kitchen, and it looked kind of strange.

I wasn't sure they really knew what they were doing. When I tried to call for help, I realized the phone wasn't hooked up yet. We were on our own.

Mom put on some of the doors, and I thought the oven was pretty hot. . .

Once she added the stovetop, I really started to get into it.
Hey, this thing's got everything but the kitchen sink! Oh, wait, there's the sink.
Wow. This kitchen has it all!
Thanks to all our friends for the fantastic new kitchen!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Ticket to Ride

We rocked out a little this morning with Beatles Rock Band. Elliot couldn't pick a favorite thing - whatever I wanted to play was what was cool. I'll take that while I can - I know I won't always epitomize coolness to him, so right now I'm loving it.

I have to teach this weekend, and I fear the studio will be cold. It's kind of a bummer, because I hate cold. A lot.

BUT in a few weeks I'm going to visit Kelly, and all will be warm, wonderful, and full of fluffy wedding preparation goodness.

Made it through the first week of Project 365 without missing a day. I'm pretty motivated, and enjoying it. We'll see how well I do on vacation. Since Kelly's doing it too, hopefully we'll keep each other on target.

Oh, the BIG thing today was that elliot said "More Fish!"

It may have sounded like "Mow Hiss!" but i'm so excited that it sounded like anything at all. He's been doing really well trying to imitate sounds, and seems pretty over the frustration and embarrassment, at least till you ask him to say something again. Then he shuts down a bit. But we have made progress, so things are good.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Nothing Major to Report

Other than the gobs of snow outside (ok, not gobs, more just a peaceful blanket..) and Elliot sleeping in heavily (yesterday was kinda hectic) there's not much happening at Circle K this morning.

Tuesday was our first class at the Y, and I hate to say I was very disappointed. I signed Elliot up for "Fit and Fun," a pre-school/toddler class that I expected to have structure and guided interaction with other kids. Instead, the instructor walked in and exclaimed "Where did all these kids come from? Wow. Gosh. There's sure a lot of you! Wow. Um, what's the age range on this class???"

Ok. Really? You're teaching it, and you don't know? She went on to say this would be a 'playtime' for the kids, and she would maybe set up some little games that they could play together in small groups, but mostly it would be like child watch, just more active. We could leave and go work out if we wanted, and the kids could stay and play.


It's not a huge class, but there are 11 kids, and 3 ot them are well under the classes stated 2 year minimum. The moms said they cleared it with the front desk, but it's a little frustrating. While I appreciate that their children may have taken gymnastics and may be athletic superstars, they are tiny and fall down a lot, and the bigger kids have to be very careful of them. Not that I don't want Elliot to learn to be careful, but that's not what I signed him up for this particular class to learn.

What I wanted was for him to get some exposure to a class-like environment; a place with rules, structure, turn-taking, *and* a lot of fun. I also hoped being around speaking kids might help him want to talk.

Maybe what I really need to do is call the front desk and get them to OK me putting him in the 4-6 year old fitness class. Because it's all about me, right?

Yesterday Kris and Scott came by and got their own workout moving my furniture from floor to floor. They helped me finally get my bedroom moved upstairs, the guest room downstairs, and the TV up to the second floor. Woot!

That means the Wii room is ready, and Rock Band can commence as soon as I find a vocalist and a drummer. C'mon people!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Potty Training Update..

We had a pretty bad day of it Saturday, opting for a return to diapers for Elliot's hanging out with Grandma while I worked. Sunday I didn't bother with the undies, because I was a little worn out from the late night Karaoke that Beth and I insisted on to celebrate Vanessa and Matt's engagement. We had a lot of fun, and I even got up and sang, which hasn't happened in public since 12 years ago in a little restaurant in Japan. Today he's back in undies, and faring very well. I'm tempted to take a photo of the next pee pee in the potty for my 365, but it's kind of gross, so maybe not. Right now, I'm being asked (with words!) to go get him milk, so I'm off.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Potty Training

Elliot wore underwear all day today. He had no accidents, but he didn't poop either. And I'm getting a little tired of feeling like I need to dance and sing and make a fuss when I poop, because now, even when he's in bed, I can't have a simple bm without thinking "Yay! Mommy made a poopy! Let's flush it down and wave bye bye!" Egad.