Wish you were Here.

Sometimes I take pictures of Elliot, and he's way off center. Partly I do it as a compositional thing - I like asymmetric images, and reference the rule of thirds when asked why.

Looking through photos this week, as we approached and passed his third birthday, I began to see Karl in the empty spaces. I've gone back and forth in my head the past few years on the whole afterlife thing. Usually I'm fine with admitting I have no idea - sometimes I struggle to find evidence for or against. Regardless of what else it means, I do often feel like Karl is here, while I know he is not.


In planning the menu (such as it is) for tomorrow's brunch, I wanted to invite him, so I thought I'd use one of his favorite recipes. I'll be making Louies, which I haven't had in ages. I couldn't remember exactly how to put them together, so I searched his blog for "Tuna."

God, that man was brilliant.

Not for cooking, tho I did love that. Tuna just happened to bring up a great set of posts on things other than food.


I love that the results take you from bachelorhood to fatherhood. The irony in some of his Meme responses is sometimes poignant, sometimes hysterical. Not one of the posts can be read without seeing him, bigger than life, writing joyfully and loving the play of one word next to another.

(and certainly not with the prudish elegance of a scholar)

For instance...

6. BABIES?
Didn’t we cover this in the living situation portion? My sister thinks having one would do me a world of good. I am in no hurry. I know I’d make a good father, but this question so puts the cart before the horse. I like being an uncle too, so if it doesn’t happen I’m ok with that. Uncle’s have it good and are not required to change any diapers.

21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Do you really need to ask that at this point? We could change the name of this blog to Supersonic Gin & Tonic.

29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Right according to who? Fuckers. I hate that shit. THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO ANYTHING EVER ANYWHERE AT ANY TIME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!!!!!! Got it? The whole universe is wide open and we’ve got all these little control Nazis trying to pretend it isn’t. Look up in the sky at night. Are your eyes on the right stars? Stupid question.

As I prepare for (or, rather procrastinate preparations for) tomorrow's birthday party, I know his absence will sting, and not only me. But I know, too, that each of us there has a little part of him inside. I hope, being all together, we can keep him a little closer to us, if only for the day.